Category Archives for Mindset

Long Road Perspective of Successful Homeschools

One day at a time … one day at a time …

Homeschool success is NOT built in an instant. It is full of messy disasters, unintended detours, and collossal failures.

It is ALSO full of delightful moments and exciting discoveries.

And you never know which is coming today.

But if you show up today … and you show up tomorrow … and you don’t give up … and you don’t give in (okay — this is starting to sound like a cheesy song!)

But seriously … successful homeschools are the ones who decide that they are going to show up each day and do their best. They are going to embrace the good, the bad, and the ugly as all part of the journey.

They hunker down in the hard moments and celebrate like crazy during the good times.

And then, regardless of how the previous day went, they show up again the next day — ready for whatever comes.

Why You Need to Celebrate Today

Hey you!

Do you take time to celebrate?

No — not “it’s birthday time and we need to have a party” celebrate.

I mean really CELEBRATE!

Celebrate the first time your kid writes the letter “s” the correct direction … or the fact that your two boys made it 15 minutes without trying to kill each other … or that there was an actual vegetable on the plate with dinner.

Do you take time to celebrate the little successes?

Because little successes, added up over time, lead to massive success. A truly successful life is built one small success at a time. Choosing to celebrate the little successes helps you prepare to fully embrace and recognize that your life has BECOME a success.

So today I invite you to find 5 small things to celebrate. The smaller, the better.

Today is the day you can begin to see that you are building a successful homeschool life!

You’re Doing Better Than You Think You Are

Hey you!

You’re doing better than you think you are.

On any given day, you are trying your best to give your kids a good education.

Now — what YOU think is your best — and what you are actually able to give — may not be the same thing!

You may think your best is perfect science experiments and perfect handwriting and everyone getting all their chores and no fighting and everyone singing happily throughout the day.

When in reality your best today may be just getting dressed and putting cold cereal on the table and turning on Daniel Tiger because it’s “educational.”

If you got up and you tried today, that WAS your best.

Do you want your best to be a little better tomorrow? Sure you do.

Do you want this level of “best” to stay this way? Of course not!

Redefine “best” as “I’m trying.” And tomorrow you get up and try again. Because you really are doing better than you think you are!

Turning “I can’t!” into “I CAN!”

I once asked my six year old to pick up some food that had fallen on the floor during dinner time.

I knew she would be squeamish—it was peas and mashed potatoes, after all—so I offered her a paper towel to protect her fingers from slimy cold food and lots of encouraging words.

She still collapsed in a heap on the floor, and as tears began to stream down her face, she sobbed, “I can’t! I can’t!”

“Really?” I wanted to say. “You can’t bend down and pick up a few pieces of food off the floor? What, are your arms broken?”

Fortunately, my “time to be a good parent” sensor went off. (It happens sometimes!)

I remained calm and let her spend the next forty-five minutes working through her issues with wet food.

So why do kids say “I can’t” when you know that they can?

You know they can because you saw them do it yesterday … or they did something much harder last week … or you saw their sibling who is six years younger do it earlier that same day.

I believe sometimes my kids know that they can, too, and they say “I can’t” just to avoid doing something unpleasant.

But I also believe that there are many times when my kids don’t believe that they can because they don’t feel competent.

Emotional Competence

Competence is one of the basic human needs. It means that you feel like you can accomplish something, or that you can be successful at what you attempt.

But competence is much more than just what you are capable of physically. In order to feel motivated to do something, you also have to feel emotionally competent.

Being a kid is hard. And being a kid is harder for some kids than it is for others.

What “Can’t” Sometimes Means

I have one son who struggles to complete simple tasks–such as brushing his teeth–if he is tired or hungry or receiving too many instructions at once.

He will start to cry, get angry, and yell that “he can’t do it.”

Now I know that he can physically brush his teeth. He does it all the time.

But in the moment, emotional or mental or unrelated physical issues cloud his ability and remove his competence.

One of my daughters has spent years learning to play the violin. Again and again, when she hit something new and difficult, her initial reaction was to throw herself into her chair and proclaim, “I can’t do it!”

This usually happened after she had tried and failed to be perfect the first time.

It took years to learn for both of us to learn that “I can’t” almost always meant she was one or two tries away from getting it right. But in the moment, she really did feel like it was hopeless.

She didn’t feel competent and didn’t want to keep going—even if she was only moments away from success.

Every Kid Is Different

Some kids come to this Earth naturally feeling more competent than others. They trust themselves and are willing to give new things a try. They aren’t easily overwhelmed. They problem solve new situations, seeing them as an exciting challenge.

Other kids struggle breaking tasks down into manageable steps—they get easily overwhelmed. They look at something new with a lot of fear and trepidation. They don’t like to take risks—and they don’t want to fail.

These kids require a lot of additional patience and love.

They need us, as parents, to help them feel like they can be competent. We have to provide a safe environment for them to practice failing so that they can succeed.

We have to help them break down tasks and walk them through those tasks step by step. We have to be calm and collected as they work through intense emotions that come with not feeling capable and competent at a job that they have to do.

Step Back and Ask

Do you have someone who says “I can’t” a lot? Do you want to throw your hands in the air and yell, “Yes, you can!”?

Next time you have one of those moments, step back and try to figure out why they don’t feel competent.

Is there something more going on? Could you sympathize more? Break down the steps? Encourage them to not be afraid to make mistakes?

Rarely, are there easy answers. But how you respond will either take them closer to feeling more competent or drive them farther away.

As you find the root causes of the “I can’t” and address them, you’ll start to hear more “I CAN!”

And that’s a beautiful sound to hear.

Your turn …

Do you have a kid who says “I can’t” all the time? Share your story below and what you’ve found helps.

How to Manage Your Fear of Failing

It’s going to happen.

Fear and doubt … the two little nemeses of homeschooling … will creep into your mind when you least expect it.

One moment you’ll be going along — planning dinner, doing laundry, prepping for the school day — and the next …

Your 7 year old won’t be able to read the cereal box. Or your 11 year old won’t be able to do multiplication.

Or … you’ll hear your kids squabbling in the next room … for the FIFTH time in 20 minutes.

And in THAT moment, you’ll think “Oh no! I’m failing at this homeschooling thing!”

It happens to every homeschooler at some point.

So what do you do? It starts with what you think AFTER you’re sure your going to fail …

So what do YOU do when fear of failure shows up?

Comment below and tell me! I’d love to hear your thoughts.