Tag Archives for " mindset "

But then I caught myself.

And I instantly knew how to turn myself around before I spiraled into the abyss of despair.

And that’s what I want to teach you in my video today.

Transcript

Hello, my name's ToriAnn Perkey, and from my homeschool to your homeschool -- Are you secretly sabotaging your homeschool? I know, I know, you're doing your best. You're trying your hardest -- feels like you are doing everything you can. And yet it doesn't seem like everything's going like you wanted to.

You look around, and you think, “This is a train wreck.” Well, let me tell you, there might be something you're doing that is secretly sabotaging your desire to have a successful homeschool, and you don't even realize it.

So, let me ask you a question. Do you ever get on social media -- Pinterest, Facebook, Instagram -- and scrolling through your feed, you find yourself thinking, “Oh, I'm failing?” Or, “Oh, I could never do a homeschool activity like that.”  Or, “Why do her kids want to read and mine just want to play with their Pokémon cards or their Barbies?”

Do you ever find yourself comparing ... comparing that these homeschool moms look amazing? That everything's happy. That everything's going well, and you aren't? Do you ever watch my videos and think, “Oh my gosh, she totally has it all together? What's wrong with me?”

Newsflash! I do not have it all together. I promise, I promise, I promise no homeschool mom does! But we all fall into this trap of comparing. Now, I want to ask ... is there ever a time where you're also scrolling through your feed, and you see something and you're like, “Ah, that's a great idea, I want to try that?” Or, “Oh my goodness, I'm so glad that her 10 year old just started reading. I feel like we're going to make it.”  Or, “Oh my goodness, they are traveling, and their kids are with them, and they're doing all these cool exciting things. We could do that too!”

Why is it that sometimes we look at Facebook and social media across the board, and we get jealous, and other times, we get inspired? Well, I want to tell you what the distinction is because understanding this will help you stop sabotaging your homeschool by comparing yourself with all of the other things going on around you.

The distinction is this -- It's all going on inside your head. You're looking at the same feed. You're looking at the same stories as everybody else, and there's not a whole lot of difference in the stories or the person who's sharing it. It's how you interpret the stories.

If you look at a story or a picture or you hear someone talking in the park or at a co-op or anything like, and they start telling you something or you see something and you think, “Oh, I could never do that,” then you start to get jealous. Jealousy comes from when you think it's impossible for you to reach that thing that you're seeing.

But if you see something and you are inspired, it's because inside your head you think, “I could totally do that. I could do that if we did this and this or if I learned how to do this.” Or, “Oh, we're already so close to that. I just have to tweak this.”

That's why some people can look at a really cool craft for a homeschooler and be jealous because they're like, “Oh, I could never do crafts or my kids will never do crafts.” And other moms can look at the exact same craft and go, “Ah, that's so cute. We should totally do that tomorrow.”

It has to do with whether or not the mom feels like it's hopeless or something totally doable.  That's the difference. And you're sabotaging your homeschool if you are looking at things in a mindset of “That's impossible. It would never work for me” because it turns all your insides into this yucky, negative place where you feel bad about yourself because you're not doing certain things.

And I'm here to tell you nobody does everything on the internet in their homeschool. I don't do 99 percent of the things that you see on the internet in my homeschool, and I have a successful homeschool.

Successful homeschools do not come from the kinds of activities that you do -- whether it's a specific curriculum or a specific book or a specific philosophy. That's not what makes a confident, successful homeschool. What makes you have a successful homeschool is when you feel good about what you're doing, when you feel confident.

And if there's something that isn't working, you go solve it. When you're inspired to move forward. When you see ideas and they inspire you to come up with your own ideas. That's the difference. That's the difference between a sabotaged homeschool and a successful homeschool … it’s how you're thinking about it in your mind, not what you're actually doing.

So, if you catch yourself feeling jealous, stop and think, “Do I want to do that? Do I really want that?” Because if you don't want that, then stop being jealous because you don't want to do it in the first place. If you do want to do it, then shift into, “Well, how could I make that happen? How?”

The minute we open the door that it's possible is the minute that our life can start to change, and we can start to move into a learning, growing, changing place. And that is the essence of being confident -- is knowing that you can figure things out.

So, I want to encourage you. Encourage you to be paying attention when you're flipping through your feed or you're listening at the park -- how you're interpreting the things around you.

Are you jealous and maybe sabotaging and don't even know it, or are you inspired? And the really cool thing is the next time this happens, you can decide whether you're going to be jealous or be inspired. It's really that easy.

I'm ToriAnn Perkey, and from my homeschool to your homeschool, I bring you these videos every week to help you be a successful, confident homeschool mom.

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And knowing how to ANSWER that question can feel a little tricky!

Today I'm sharing the answer I've developed over the last 14 years that seems to work every single time.

Learn this, and you'll never feel awkward answering the socialization question again!

Want to read instead of watch? Scroll to read a transcript of this video.

Transcript

Hey guys! ToriAnn here! And from my homeschool to your homeschool, I’ve got a question for you. Have you ever heard someone ask you, “So what about socialization?”

You’re in the grocery store or maybe you’re at a family event and someone’s going to ask you how you’re going to socialize your kids.

Do you know how you’re gonna answer that question?

Or do you start to get all squidgy and squealy inside and feel all rumbly cause you don’t know what to say.

And behind that question, you can hear the real question which is, “Are you gonna destroy your kids?”

Yeah. So I used to get this question all the time. My in-laws would ask it. My parents would ask it. My siblings asked it. I would hear it in a church. I would hear it at the store. What are you gonna do about socialization?

And I got the question so much that I decided I was gonna come up with an answer that was going to work every single time. Because I was tired of fumbling around it and trying to come up with something that didn’t really feel like it satisfied them and usually took us down the rabbit hole of a whole bunch of other questions that didn’t really make a lot of sense and made the whole conversation harder. And it made it sound like I didn’t really know what I was doing with my homeschooling -- which is never a good idea.

So I came up with the answer to the “socialization” question, and ever since then, every time I use this, the answer just puts everything to rest. I can feel everyone I’m talking to take a deep breath. And I don’t get lots of follow up questions that aren’t just interested. They’re not critical questions, they’re, “Oh tell me more about that.”

So are you dying to know what this is?

Okay, so here’s the answer to the question. When someone comes up to me or we’re in a conversation and they say, “So what about socialization?” this is what I say --

“Well, you know, I treat socialization just like any other subject. I’m the facilitator of my kids’ education and development. Which means that I make sure that they get lots of socialization opportunities, and they’re getting educated in how to interact with human beings whether they’re adults or kids in a really great way.”

That’s the answer.

That you are creating opportunities and that you’re treating it like a subject, like any other subject.

And then if I feel like it, I follow up with something like this. “And besides, there are so many opportunities for homeschoolers to socialize with kids their age that if we wanted to, we could be gone every single day of the week and never be home and actually educate. But we don’t do that. So we just pick and choose. But my kids get so many opportunities to interact with other people. Yeah, they get tons of socialization.”

Between those two answers, it pretty much puts all the fears to rest.

And that’s how I want to end this little video. Remember that when people are asking you questions, they’re coming from one of two places.

They’re either curious. Which means you don’t need to feel defensive because they really are just curious and they wanna know what’s going on. And they’re learning more about homeschooling and they’re trying to figure out how it works and they figure you’re a good source of information because you are homeschooling or you’re thinking about it or you’re just getting started.

Or they’re worried. They’re worried that these kids that they care about, either because they’re in your neighborhood or they’re a neighbor or they’re a friend or maybe they’re a family member. You know grandmas and grandpas, they worry. They wanna make sure the kids are gonna be okay. That’s what they’re really asking.

So when you have an answer that’s confident and when you have an answer that’s clear that you’re in charge and you have a plan, it calms everybody down. And when everybody’s calm, the conversation gets a lot easier.

Alright, I'm ToriAnn Perkey, and I bring you these videos every week so that you can feel like a confident, successful homeschooler.

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